A brush with an old sage:

Daylight Saving Time

by Hal Swift

Shorty pounds on the bar with his wooden bung-starter* and hollers, "Pay attention ever'body!  Just a reminder, we'll be closin' here in twenty minutes!"

The reaction of the patrons of Shorty's Place was one of general shock, mixed with curiosity as to just why the place was being closed at this hour.

Dan, the man who delivers the mail to Shorty's Place, speaks up, loud enough to be heard over the voices of the distraught patrons.  "Folks!  Folks!" he says.  "You're forgetting, we're on daylight saving time now--it's earlier this year than it has been.  This year it runs from the Ninth of March to the Second of November!"

"Listen to the man," Shorty says.  "I close down here every night at two o'clock.  It's just that two o'clock comes an hour earlier tonight than it did last night.  So, get your last glass of sasparilla, and get ready to head on home."

Jasper, Ethan and Old Bob--three of the county's oldest farmers--allow as how they've had enough sasparilla to last 'em all the way up to a week from Tuesday, anyway.

"Y'know," says Jasper, "over at the Grange Hall last night, we was talkin' about this daylight savings time thing."

Ethan says, "Yessir, I was there, and it's awesome, some of the problems folks are havin' with this unnatural turn of events."

Old Bob says, "One ol' boy says he tries t'feed his cows at five in the mornin' as usual, and they won't eat.  He figures it's because they think it's still just four o'clock."

"I take it," says Jasper, "you heard what ol' Sy Dieplie said about his chickens."

"You betch'er booties, Grammaw!" says Ethan.  "His hens've just about quit layin' eggs, on account of their day is so mixed up."

"I know," says Old Bob.  "They're used to gettin' all their eggs laid by five in the morning, but on account'a this daylight savin's time, Sy goes to gather 'im in at that time, but they ain't done yet because they think it's only four.   They've gotten all nervous with the expectation Sy'a puttin' on 'em, and their egg output has dropped to practically nill."

Dan, the mailman, says he was talkin' with a rancher on his RFD route, who said he's havin' trouble gettin' his crew to the table for breakfast at five AM.  Ordinarily they get up at four, and show up for breakfast at five.  However, because of this daylight savin's time, they're all gettin' to the table a full hour late."

Charley Walker says, "Well, y'know--a lotta that is because the roosters aren't crowin' on time.  By the time they get waked up and in the mood to do some crowin', it's already past time for them to've waked ever'body up."

Sioux signs into the conversation, sayin', "I was talking to Mrs. Russell the other day, and she says her fourteen kids are not adjusting to this earlier schedule at all.  She says, by the time she gets all of  'em dressed and fed, and out to the bus stop, the bus has already gone off and left 'em"

"There's just no rhyme nor reason to this whole business of changin' the clocks like this," says Jasper.

"Hear, hear!" says Charley.  "How 'bout a round of sasparilla for ever'one, Shorty?"

Shorty says, "Sorry folks, the bar is closed."

With one voice, Jasper, Ethan and Old Bob say, "Dang!"

Sioux says, "You got that right!" Then, while ever'body is gettin' their stuff together and headin' for the door, she sets down at the pianna and plays a march-time version of "Good Night Ladies."

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*  A bung-starter is a wooden maul, or hammer, used to loosen the bung, or stopper, in a cask, or barrel, of beer.

You can learn more about Daylight Saving Time at this link

http://www.energy.ca.gov/daylightsaving/

Did you know the Grange goes back to the days following the Civil War?  Or that the Grange was responsible for the Rural Free Delivery program of our U.S Postal Service?

Learn more at this link: http://www.nationalgrange.org/

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(Ed. Note:  For a closer look at Hal Swift's cowboy poetry, go to http://www.cowboypoetry.com/halswift.htm )

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